Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
His nipple licking is glorious
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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