Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
