1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
