The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
