i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
