If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
