i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
