Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
