saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
