When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
