two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
