had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
