Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
