So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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