should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
