Where is the hickey?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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