I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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