I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
