cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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