I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
