Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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