he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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