Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
my poor anus
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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