Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
