he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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