I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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