Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
