I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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