please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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