I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
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