I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I have fence marks all over my body
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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