That's when you crack a 10am beer
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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