Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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