yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
