I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
