I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
