this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
