Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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