The brown eye won't let me do that either.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
false alarm. still invincible.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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