I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
