this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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