mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
