I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
