Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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