He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
