Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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