whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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