I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
