dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
