drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
