she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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