Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i love accidental penises.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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