Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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