I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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