so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
