You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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