I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
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