he shaved USA in his pubs
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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