She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
