i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
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