I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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