question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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