Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
