Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
