pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
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It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
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This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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