That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
