Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
