i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
