I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
