At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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