I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
