He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
