First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
