I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
