Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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