In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
