don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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