Kiss
Puke
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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