It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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