i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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