He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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