Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
